It has been 3 months since I posted on this blog. It seems like longer and yet, still seems not long enough. Much has changed in the last 3 months. In my life, in the world, in my head.
On January 1st, this is what I wrote in my journal…..
I am dedicating this year to myself…to my growth and happiness, to experiencing new things, to setting goals and achieving them, to living my life to the fullest without regrets or expectations and to becoming the best version of myself.
So here’s to a new year…
three hundred and sixty-five beautiful mornings and starlit evenings…
fifty-two promising weeks…
twelve transformative months full of unlimited possibilities.
Now we are 5 months into this year and the old “normal” doesn’t exist anymore. The old “me” doesn’t exist anymore. Sure there are remnants, shadows of regret and blights of discordance, reminding me who I was and who I never want to be again. Though there are parts of me I will never be rid of…dark parts, selfish parts…as is the reality of the human condition. Still, I have made room for new parts, new light, new opportunities for knowledge and growth.
One of my favorite quotes by Carl Jung sums it up perfectly…
I am harder on myself than anyone. I hold myself to the highest standards and I constantly fall short of my own lofty ideals. But this quote helps keep me grounded, keeps me from judging my own self too harshly and always reminds me that I am a mere human being…layered, complex, genuinely good at heart…but also authentically flawed and endlessly imperfect. I choose to embrace that about myself and adjust accordingly. It has also help me come to the same realization about others, allowing me to ease up on my self-righteousness in judgement of them. These days I try to lean more toward a “live and let live” kind of attitude. I cannot dictate nor control anyone else’s behaviors or mindsets. I can only set boundaries for myself and for who/what I choose to allow in my life.
The last few years have been difficult for me, in many ways, but I have come to understand that I was a part of my own problems. I often made things more difficult for myself because of my stubbornness, my overthinking, my aforementioned self-righteousness, etc. Now, at this point in time, I have reached the pinnacle of my self-awareness and I’m ready to do the work…the hard, dirty, painful, self revealing shadow work that will allow me to move forward into a brighter beacon of light. I want to be that light for others and I want that light to shine blindingly from my own soul.
So this is the year that I will reimagine and reinvent myself. I will grow. I will learn more and do better. I will empower myself to be more positive, loving and productive.
I will raise my vibration to such a high frequency that I’m not just adapting or contributing to the energy around me but instead, I am influencing it.
I will make self-love, self-awareness and self-care non-negotiable.
I will no longer force anyone’s attention or chase anyone’s affection.
I will be kinder to my body, nourishing and revitalizing it with healthy, whole foods and energetic movement. I will work diligently to regain my sense of vitality and inner peace.
I will conserve my sexual energy while at the same time heightening my sensuality. I will awaken my inner goddess and learn new ways of giving/receiving pleasure. (For myself and for any worthy, future relationship)
I will stop doing things just because I feel like they are required of me or because they are the societal norms and start only doing the things that bring me joy or align with my authenticity.
I will fall madly in love….with MYSELF….and live this year filled with exuberant passion for MY life.
I will be kind, seek truth, talk less, cultivate empathy over judgement, grow my confidence, take more walks and longer naps, enjoy comfort, embrace adventure, go with the flow, expand my perspective, try something different, maintain balance in all things, continue believing in magic, push myself, find my peace, and make more time for the things and people who matter.
So, here’s to the new normal…in this strange new world and in my bright new life.