nothing.

We were nothing. You didn’t want to date me. You had every chance. You could have owned my heart, or at least gotten into my bed, but you turned down both opportunities. You didn’t want my affection. You didn’t want me.

You pulled at my heartstrings. You stoked my passion. You played with my emotions. Then you stopped speaking to me altogether. You made me question my looks, question my standards, question my worth. You put me through so much of your wishy washy back and forth, only to walk away without giving me anything in return.

Half the time we spent together was sexually tensed, adrenaline fueled, butterfly inducing. But the rest of the time was pure misery. It was time spent sitting up at night, staring at my phone, waiting for you to answer when you had already forgotten about me. It was time spent in front of the mirror, trying to look good for you, when you barely even glanced my way. It was time spent wallowing in self-doubt and hurt feelings.

No matter how much effort I poured into you, you didn’t give me a piece of your heart. You gave me mixed signals. You gave me runaround answers. You gave me heavy, tear-filled baggage…..but never an actual chance.

I wanted you because of the excitement, because of the mystery, and I’ll admit, maybe even a little because of the chase. But that didn’t mean I wanted the chase to last forever. I wanted something real with you. I wanted to settle down. I wanted to be your only one.

I would have loved to get to know you better, as more than an eye-candy face and a sexy voice, but you kept me at arm’s length. Whenever it felt like I had chipped away at your walls, you boarded them right back up again. You never let me get too close. You shut down. You made sure the only vulnerable one was me.

That didn’t stop me. I still texted you, flirted with you, wrote about you, set aside my time for you. I still whispered words of love and admiration….and lust….and I still shared parts of myself that I have never given to anyone but you. And you still wanted nothing to do with me. You rejected me. You could have had me in a heartbeat, but you turned me down without a second thought.

I shouldn’t miss you because there isn’t a chance in hell you miss me. You’re not dwelling on the soft hearted, passionate girl who had a thing for you and who would’ve moved mountains to be with you. A few years from now, you won’t even remember my name.

We were nothing. Not a couple. Not even friends, not really. I meant absolutely nothing to you so I don’t know why you still mean everything to me.

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