He made me cry again today.
I texted him. He blatantly ignored me.
I know he got the texts. He just refuses to acknowledge me.
I wanted him to read the post I wrote to him. It meant so much to me and it was such a powerful and moving change in me. I think it would have meant alot to him too. But now he will never read it. I deleted it. I just can’t get past his quiet animosity anymore.
And I know it is such a little thing…being ignored. People may think that harsh words would bring much more pain than silence.
But that silence is deafening and the force of it rips through my heart like knives…just to know someone I care about thinks so little of me, thinks that I’m so beneath him and inconsequential as a human being that he doesn’t bother to give me even a basic, monosyllabic response of common courtesy.
It destroys a piece of me every time, that’s for sure.
But this time, I’m not really sure if I was crying for myself….or for him.
For my pain at being treated so coldly.
Or pity for him that he is the kind of person who can treat someone who cares for him like that.
Maybe it’s a little of both….hurt feelings and disillusionment.
Either way, I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to think of him. I don’t want to write about him. I don’t want to talk to him, ask him to read my words or even see him anymore.
Today will be the last day I ever shed a tear for him.