I am developing a whole new set of standards when it comes to dating and men. Even though I’m taking some “time off” from all things dating and sex related right now, I feel like in this downtime, I need to reevaluate some things.
When I become ready, I’m not interested in wasting any of my precious time or energy on playing games or excessively dating. I’m not interested in mediocre men, meaningless casual sex or half-ass relationships. I’m looking for depth, intimacy, effort and a real and lasting connection.
So, I still have my initial requirements….that set of 3 I’s that I discovered when I met the INTP.
A man must first intrigue, impress and inspire me.
Probably a difficult feat for most men but why should I waste my time with anything less than “everything I want”?
So, last night as I sat thinking about what I want in a relationship, I composed this letter……
Dear Future Love,
I am Ready.
It took me awhile to be ready. To work on myself. To come into my power as a woman. To grow as a human. To learn the right way to love.
I will be giving my all to you, trying to be the best version of myself in all ways but please know that there will be days in which I falter. There will be days that I will push you and test you and not live up to what you expect from me. So while I ask that you do keep those expectations high (because my expectations for you will certainly be), please do not covet perfection from me.
Perfection has no place in a happy relationship and I will not ask it of you. I don’t expect you to be flawless or fault-free. I just want you to be willing to work through both of our flaws and imperfections together and I want us both to have plenty of forgiveness on hand for when we need to.
While perfection may not be one of my stipulations, I do have some….
I refuse to be with you unless you have eyes that see me, in all of my damage and all of my darkness. The kind of eyes that accept me, in all of my flaws. The kind of eyes that have seen into my heart, that have explored the deepest parts of who I am, and have chosen to keep going, to keep descending into the depths of who I have been and who I am becoming.
I refuse to be with you unless you have hands that hold me when I am hard to love. Hands that hold me when I am in my head, when I am deep in thought and overthinking. The kind of hands that dig through the dirt of me, that do not shy away from touching the parts of my soul that are unclean. The kind of hands that don’t hesitate to touch the parts of my skin that ache for you. The kind of hands that already know when I need the calming warmth of your hand in mine.
I refuse to be with you unless you have the kind of ears that hear me, the kind that listen without judgement. The kind of ears that refuse to tune me out when I bring up things you may not want to hear, when I talk to you about my insecurities or my doubts or my feelings. The kind of ears that find comfort and excitement in my words, whether they be prose or poetry.
I refuse to be with you unless you have the kind of mouth that is soft, that is not a weapon when we are at war with each other, when we are working through the past and the future, when we are figuring out how to love better, how to grow together. The kind of mouth that kisses me passionately and often. The kind of mouth that speaks to me on a different level than most, the kind of mouth that asks me about more than my day — that wants to talk about vulnerable things, things that come from the depths of us, things that connect human beings, things that stretch far beyond the surface of it all.
I refuse to be with you unless you have the kind of heart that protects and values me, the kind of heart that strives to stay passionate. The kind of heart that feels compassion and kindness, even for those outside its circle. The kind of heart that understands mine, the kind that does not judge the wildness or weirdness within me.
This may be alot to ask but it is no more than what I am willing to give to you. I have loved and I have lost enough to know that I deserve more than what I have settled for in the past.
I have grown. I have pulled knowledge out of my brokenness. I have truly taken a look at what I want and what I need and I refuse to accept anything less than that.
I crave a love that sees me. I crave a love that hears me. I crave a love that holds me. I crave a love that protects me. I crave a love that keeps me whole and happy.
And above all else, I crave a love that runs deep and true within us both.