I’m experiencing a shift in conciousness….a death of sorts, but one that will lead to a reawakening, a rebirth, a renewed vigor for my life.
I’m holding alot of shit at bay right now, trying to make it through each day until I can have a moment to fall apart and rebuild myself.
I’m slowly coming apart….but in a good way. I just don’t have the time or the luxury to fall into it right now. It’s been a process over the last few weeks.
Sure, I can wrap it up in pretty words like healing and evolution because that’s what it is for me…..but it’s also messy, ugly, chaotic. It’s an individualistic self-awareness of all my own failures, faults and fuck ups. It’s also a long overdue celebration of all my amazing qualities and achievements.
Either way, it’s all about me right now…because honestly, I have no more of myself to give. To anyone. For any reason.
I want to rebuild my sense of self. I want to explore what makes me happy. I want to live my life with a sense of freedom and purpose. I want to come out the other side of this as a better person. I want to love better, learn better, react better, and yes, when the time comes, give better.
But for the time being, I’m going to be so fucking selfish, so defiantly unapologetic, so emotionally unattached, so far above the petty bullshit….
The bottom line is that right now…unless you are one of my children…my time, attention, patience and energy are going to be scarce, if not completely non-existent, for you.