progress

So, the opportunity arose for me to become angry with him today….

but I didn’t. Much to my happiness. I did feel a mild disappointment that he still doesn’t treat me like a person but even that was fleeting. He’s allowed to deal with his feelings however he chooses but I’m not going to let his behavior toward me provoke me into anger or feelings of animosity. It’s not worth it.

All I wanted was to give him a handwritten Birthday card that my son made for him. I’ve been forgetting to bring it and I finally remembered so I asked him to come see me so I could give it to him. And of course, he just ignored me, per usual. I could have given it to him anyway but I wanted to do it under the radar because I didn’t want to get into a conversation with the other people in the room about it.

But it wasn’t a big deal to me, which was surprising, because every slight from him and every action of disrespect used to be a big deal to me. It’s this new mindset and the fact that I’ve finally let him go. None of it bothers me anymore and that in itself is such a huge relief and weight off my shoulders.

I was going to tell him what it was and talk to him about it but I really don’t have the desire to make an effort anymore. I’m sure he doesn’t care anyway and I’m afraid his indifference to my son’s big heart and his dismissal of my son’s admiration of him will be the thing that sets me off.

So I’m not going to worry about it. I just threw it in the trash and if my son asks about it, I’ll just say I gave it to him. I don’t like lying, especially to my children, but it’s better than hurting my son’s feelings with the truth….that this guy hates me and doesn’t really care about my son or his card either.

It’s just further validation that I made the right decision in letting go and that I’m better off without him in my life….but there is no reason to be mad about it. He doesn’t owe me….or my son….anything.

And vice versa.

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