he’s the fucking acid to my alkaline

Grrr, he makes me so fucking mad. He brings out the absolute worst in me. I have to stop putting myself in a position to let let him get under my skin or push my buttons.

I really have to start focusing on the fact that I am now free of his hold on me. I have to stop thinking that I need closure in the form of answers from him.

There is no more love in my heart for him. How could I possibly love someone who treats me the way he does, someone who is the way he is?

That is all the closure I need.

If I don’t have anything to do with him, I feel like I can move on in peace and I can wish him well with sincere kindness and just be glad that this whole tragic breaking of my heart is finally coming to an end.

But as soon as I interact with him at all, I just feel like a different person. I want to make him feel the same emotional pain he’s inflicted on me. I want him to have consequences for his actions and to not be able to just forget me and move on happily when he has scarred me for life. He deserves to be held accountable.

But he never will. And that makes me hate him.

The sad thing is, I don’t want to hate him. I don’t want to hate anyone. And I don’t really want to hurt him. So I will be the better person and control my anger and disgust until it dissipates. Because honestly, he just isn’t worth it anymore. He’s not worth losing myself.

It’s just so surreal and causes me so much cognitive dissonance to feel the way I do about him now after I spent so much time being in love with him, admiring him and desiring him.

But I am 100%, without a doubt, over him. He will never have my love, desire or friendship again.

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