Who am I?

It’s a question we’ve all asked ourselves countless times. The simplest answer is always at the forefront of our consciousness, defined by what we do for a living, our hobbies and whatever ideals & opinions we have at any given time. Only the most sagacious of us, the ones who have soul searched the deepest and delved into the gray area that most try to avoid are able to tell you that the question is rhetorical. It is not a question with a solid answer….because just as the world around us is ever changing, so should we be. Every day is an opportunity to grow, to learn something new and to be better than we were the day before.

There is a quote I love….

“Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about unbecoming everything that isn’t really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place

I like that idea…..the idea of unbecoming, unraveling and rebuilding from the foundation of what you are at your core. I know the woman I want to be and I know that being anything but unapologetically authentic is a disservice both to my soul and to everyone in my life.

So I plan to unbecome everything that I feel isn’t right or isn’t me. It’s time to drown out the static and start listening to both the quiet and the clamor of my own heart, mind and soul.

It’s time to start choosing friends whose energy vibes on the same level as mine. If someone is not growing with me or walking the same path as me, it’s ok not to have them as an essential part of my life. It’s ok to distance myself and part ways.

I don’t have room or desire in my life for people who I do not “vibe” with. Everyone has different worldviews, different morals and values and that is ok…..but there is something to be said for finding your “tribe”. Connecting with a group of people who share your ideas and values and energy and who accept you exactly as you are is an amazing feeling.

I’m going to stop questioning my motives and intentions (and those of others) and just flow. I will give my love and my laughter where it is wanted and appreciated and I will pull it back and reserve my energy when it is not. I will no longer give pieces of myself away to people who waste them. I am cultivating a higher vibration that will offer more but accept no less.

I will get rid of the meaningless distractions and small addictions that pull me away from myself. I’m done with endless small talk and conversations that skim the surface of life. My mind swims in deep waters. It feels most at home in dark depths and sometimes I cannot breathe at the surface, with all it’s superficiality.

I’m not going to battle the image of what society thinks I should be anymore….I’m just going to be. Some days I may conform and some days I may not but it will be on my terms. I will no longer live up to anyone’s expectations but my own. My strength of character will be achieved through focus and commitment to my own truths.

I am done people-pleasing, apologizing or dumbing myself down to make others feel comfortable or to gain an advantage. The advantage is letting people realize that I am not a fool nor can I be fooled. I do not have to answer to anyone but myself nor do I have to be understood by anyone but myself. I am done needing permission or validation….I am my own authority.

I’m going to rediscover my vitality. I am so tired of being, well, tired. I think it’s partly because I spend my time doing things that don’t bring me joy or feed my soul. Then of course, there is the physical aspect. I have not been a good friend to either my soul or my body. I need movement and nature and to make healthier choices. These things matter and are all things that I not only want to incorporate more into my life but that I optimistically look forward to. I will no longer make excuses or give in to lack of willpower.

I am done jumping to conclusions, overanalyzing, and making excuses. My heart and mind no longer have a vacancy to house judgement, regrets or criticism. I am done with facades and games. We all wear masks for different reasons but the problem with masks is that they are suffocating and require constant upkeep.

All of these things are part of human nature and cannot be helped sometimes but I can be more aware and minimize the effect that these actions have on myself and others.

Also, I am done trying to change others. Everyone has their own truth to follow and the burden of who they are does not lay on my shoulders.

Lastly, I will no longer see myself as lackluster. I plan to shine with a strong, calm luminescence from the bottom of my soul. I want to create joy, find peace, give love, make love, make a difference, offer guidance, promote positivity, celebrate laughter and just live beautifully. Because at my core, if an answer were indeed demanded, this is who I am.

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